The New Recruit

...buddy joins the ARMY, but he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.  So when he lines up for his rifle, his Sarge says to the supply clerk "hey, we can't give him a rifle, he'll shoot himself in the foot!"

So they gave him a branch and said "just yell 'bang bang bang' and it will shoot".

"Oh ok" he says.

Then buddy lines up for a bayonet. "No way" they think, 'he'll cut himself!"

So they give him a twig and said "just go 'cutty cutty cutty' and it will work.

"Oh ok" he says.

Then buddy lines up for grenades.

"Oh forget it" they thought to themselves, "let's give him some rocks, otherwise he'd really hurt himself."

So they tell buddy, "just yell 'boom boom boom' and they'll blow up.

"Oh ok' he says and goes away happier than a lark - he's in the Army now.