Pearls of Wisdom

1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can't buy happiness...but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
4. Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. If you have 3 friends who are OK, then you're it.
6. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
7. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
11. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
12. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Top 47 OXYMORONS:
47. Act naturally
46. Found missing
45. Resident alien
44. Advanced BASIC
43. Genuine imitation
42. Airline Food
41. Good grief
40. Same difference
39. Almost exactly
38. Government organization
37. Sanitary landfill
36. Alone together
35. Legally drunk
34. Silent scream
33. American history
32. Living dead
31. Small crowd
30. Business ethics
29. Soft rock
28. Butt Head
27. Military Intelligence
26. Software documentation
25. New York culture
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
09. Political science
08. Tight slacks
07. Definite maybe
06. Pretty ugly
05. Twelve-ounce pound cake
04. Diet ice cream
03. Working vacation
02. Exact estimate

And the Number one top OXY-Moron:
01. Microsoft Works